Melissa (Daughters Series, #3) Page 7

  Her laugh is real and her mouth tips back, flashing her teeth as sparkling glints of joy shine from her eyes. I’m stunned into silence by the outward display of emotion from her. Otherwise, she’s sullen, angry, rude, flighty or off in her own world. Not really acknowledging my presence.

  “This here is Duke.” She points to a large yellow Labrador Retriever. Then she proceeds to introduce me to the rest of them. There is Sasha, another large breed; Riley, the huge Akita; and Lucy and Tucker, who are smaller breeds. I lean over the stall watching her. She frolics with them and her sincere pleasure shows on her face. All at once, she finally matches her personality with her extraordinary looks.

  She’s aware I am standing there, but she’s so enraptured with her four–legged friends that she doesn’t seem ambivalent or angry about it. “Watch this.”

  Suddenly, she springs to her feet, pushing her pile of ratty hair back and walking out into the yard where the dogs have a huge, fenced–in grassy area. I follow her through the barn side door and lean against the fence. She has two of the dogs sitting, then three, then four, then, to my utter disbelief and shock, she has all five. They sit in a circle around her. She allocates little treats from my coat pocket, which she keeps in a huge jar on a shelf in the barn. She proceeds to make the dogs do tricks for her. I’m not sure what amazes me more, how she controls all five of them at once, or so easily gets them to respond the way she wants them to. The discipline and patience it must take to teach them the tricks are far from anything I ever witnessed Melissa capable of performing or executing. But apparently she can do this and do it well.

  Getting cold, I finally shift up from the fence and whistle to grab her attention. She jerks her head up as if startled. What? She forgot I was standing there? Possibly. I withhold my sigh. Then she releases the dogs and gives each of them a rub and word of encouragement in a high–pitched, sugary tone. It makes me smile overhearing her, how sweet she can be with the animals while in my experience with her, she is so much the opposite.

  “How’d you learn how to do that?”

  “What?”

  “Train a pack of dogs?”

  A smile brightens her face. “I didn’t learn. I just tried. Gave them lots of treats. Spent lots and lots of time with them.”

  I study her face as she watches her dogs cavorting in the yard. They run the length of the fence barking in excitement. She doesn’t realize this is a skill. Marketable? I almost say something, but not right then. She’s too odd and things are too high up in the air for her.

  “Your parents should be home soon. Maybe you should go clean up. Figure out what you’re going to do.”

  Her gaze finds mine and her confusion seems real. Did she forget? While playing with the dogs did she forget she’d just been dropped off by the cops? Sometimes, I see glimmers in Melissa of a likeable person, and then just as fast, it disappears and I’m left with an overwhelming feeling that she is so bizarre and frustrating I can’t possibly ever understand her.

  She slips the coat off and hands it to me. “Thanks for the coat.” Then she walks off. I wonder what she’s going to do next. I shake my head, truly befuddled. It could be anything, from suddenly going off to hang with Anand and his biker friends, to color–coding her closet. Really. She’s that erratic and unpredictable; and no one ever seems to know where her brain is or what she’ll be doing next.

  At least, for now she’s safe. I’m starting to see why her parents are so tired of her if they’ve been living like this for two years. I am utterly exhausted after only a few weeks.

  Chapter Five

  ~Melissa~

  I scrub the roots of my hair really hard as I rinse out the huge mass of strands. It was a long, and kind of disastrous week for me. My hair’s so filthy. I never washed it in the time I was gone. It just didn’t work out. I’d been… several places. Some were with Anand, at his mom’s house, while others were with his friends. I was pretty out of it for the first few days. Then I started to feel sick so I stopped using drugs. I tried to eat and drink before asking for a ride from Anand’s cousin. I wanted to get back home and Anand was still too high and unwilling to take me. Feeling itchy to stop all the drugs and alcohol, I couldn’t wait to get away and, yes, return to my parents. So I went with his friend and cousin.

  They stopped by the motel before last night turned into an all-night affair at the police station until things got sorted out. Thank God I wasn’t implicated. They believed I was clueless to it all, because I was. I simply waited for them out in the car. They said they were picking up someone at the motel. Stupid me, so anxious to get home, just shrugged it off and told them I’d wait in the car. I wasn’t particularly interested in what they were doing, to be honest. So I probably deserved what happened. When you’re suddenly spotlighted by a squad car that pulls up out of nowhere and you see the guys who drove you there coming out in handcuffs while the cops turn towards you with their suspicious eyes flashing, no doubt, assuming you are part of whatever the guys did, it can be pretty alarming.

  I’ll be the first to admit how stupid and short–sighted I am, especially with anyone in that crowd, including Anand. The club isn’t exactly known for having good judgment, intentions or deeds.

  When Seth offered me his coat, it shouldn’t have felt like a big deal, but it did. I don’t receive any chivalrous actions from the men I hook up with. I don’t date. That’s not what I picture Seth being like, however. I met his girlfriends. The first girl he liked was when he was fifteen. My sisters and I all went with Mom to visit Bella, Seth’s mom. As fate would have it, my parents and his parents met each other when they were first married, and lived right next door to each other in North Carolina. Mom and Bella soon became best friends, which continues to this day. Finn and my dad were good friends too, but Mom’s attachment to Bella was much stronger. She claimed that was because Bella was the first woman to be her friend without any ulterior reason.

  Seth met his first girlfriend as a sophomore. When he popped up with the quiet, demure, sweet, naive Anna, my mouth fell open in surprise. Seth dating? Who knew he could even converse with a girl? Certainly not me, at least at the time. Seth had his second girlfriend when he was a senior in high school. She was pretty serious about him; at least that’s what Bella told Mom, who told me. She was a brainiac like him and they met at school, sharing the same advanced classes and study groups. I’m sure they probably bonded over a math theorem.

  I quickly exit the bathroom and gather my things from around the room to stuff into a large duffel bag and backpack. My stomach feels so bad. Like I’m about to throw up or just gag. I have no idea what will go down today. I can only wonder what my parents will do or say… again. This time. Which is merely an extension of last time. The front door slams. No one knows I’m here. I wonder if it’s Mom or Dad.

  I walk out of my room softly, trying to remain quiet. My socks are silent on the floor. Dad stands there and his gaze falls on me when he hears me. I stop dead, standing across the room from him. No smiles from either of us.

  He crosses his arms over his chest. “Did you find a job yet?”

  Well, no, I was too high, having sex, and hanging around with a bunch of criminals, but not really doing anything at all. I fail to mask my shock and puzzlement by his opening statement. His stoic, cold expression remains. “It wasn’t as traumatic this time. You being gone without a word of warning to us, or a Hey, I’m not dead in a ditch. Not even for your mom. The first one really prepared us well. I thought, perhaps in all these days you were absent, what if you were looking around for something to fucking do, Melissa? Because I already know you won’t answer me, or admit exactly what you’ve been doing because you don’t want me to know. You think I’m stupid and clueless. I do know though. I know all about the men you sleep with and the most recent biker and his outlaw club.”

  My mouth drops open. His laugh is bitter. “The stupid part is, I would just consider that your own damn business. How often you fuck and party could be tolerated b
y me if you would just get a job. Do something constructive with yourself so I could at least try to reassure myself that you’re just young, and still finding your way… all that shit your mom tries to sell me about you.”

  Again, I flinch at his stern words. Saying fuck to me. I have no comeback. He doesn’t care about Anand? Or the others? Or my partying? It doesn’t sound like my dad. The first time Christina tried to get laid when she was eighteen, he freaked out and barged right in on her and the guy. He managed to stop them while they were at a party. But me? He doesn’t care enough to get all fatherly indignant about my promiscuity? Oh, no. However, his precious Christina must remain chaste and virginal.

  He shakes his head, turning away from me and walks towards the kitchen counter. He digs his wallet, keys, phone, and some change from all his pockets, throwing everything into a pile. Each item’s toss punctuates his anger. He finally stops, resting his hands on the counter. “I got used to you three girls having sex. I know obviously about Max and Christina. I know you have been doing it for far longer than I would have wanted you to. I even know Emily does it with that stupid Harrison kid.” Emily has had a boyfriend for several years now. A nice guy she started dating during her junior year in high school. He was the exact guy version of Emily. Playing varsity at every major sport, just like Emily, they were both regular stars of their teams. They both got good grades and were voted Best Couple in the yearbook, because they were that cute and likeable as well as talented and hardworking. In a kind of creepy way, they also look alike. Both are towhead blonds, with big brown eyes. They could easily pass for brother and sister, as even their facial features are similar. They attend Eastern Washington University together as well.

  “I just want you to work, Melissa. That’s it. My desperate plea to you. I do not want you to be a lazy, useless flake. I’m not asking for you to earn a doctorate. Just… go work at a fast food counter or be a cashier at the convenience store or something else, anything. Please. Just find something to do with yourself so I don’t have to kick you out. Things have become intolerable and I can’t keep going the way they are. I can’t live with myself continually enabling you. That’s how I see it. I’m part of the problem, which is molding you into an entitled brat. Getting a job is your barest achievement for living here, cost–free, rent–free, for nothing. Just a damn job. Not even a good job. I don’t care what it is. Just make the effort. Show me you have not lost the ability to at least keep trying. But you… you can’t even do that.”

  I step forward but he doesn’t turn towards me. He’s still leaning against the counter, staring downwards. His tone sounds weird. No inflection in his voice, and so defeated. Tortured.

  “The thing is, Melissa, you’re going to have to make some other arrangements. You can’t… you can’t stay here until you land a job.”

  “Dad!” I nearly screech as I start towards him. “Dad! You can’t do that to me. Please! Where is Mom? What about Mom?”

  He doesn’t turn towards me. “Why do you act like it’s just me? She can’t do this any longer either.” He barely glances at me. “Hell, I’m fighting with myself as it is. But Seth called me and told me how you came home.”

  That lying sack of shit! I scream in my brain. He told them? But then… no. I know. The blame? All that ever does is distract from the truth: the truth of what is wrong with me.

  “Mom knows?”

  “She knows what I am going to say to you. Yes. She doesn’t like it. But she doesn’t disagree either. I hope you understand someday. This is the last thing I ever thought I’d say to anyone I love. I thought I’d always be there for you, your defender against a cold, harsh world. I intended to make sure nothing ever happened to you and protect you, your sisters, and your mother. I never thought I’d be freaking kicking you out, right into it. But I don’t know what else to do.”

  My breathing becomes harsh and raspy. I take in the air through my nose and try to release it slowly as dizziness fills my brain. Kicking me out? My parents are really kicking me out. Where will I go? What will I do? I have nothing. No money. No savings. No… job.

  Immediately, my brain is humming. Maybe Aunt Lindsey would let me stay with them. Dad straightens up and walks towards me, pushing something at me. “Take it. Don’t be stupid, Melissa. But this time, I won’t try to stop you, and neither will I bail you out if you screw up. Think of this as your do or die moment. You will either make it, or not. It kills me to picture what your life will be under the ‘not.’ But I now realize that nothing we’ve done has helped you. Don’t come asking me for more. You can’t say we threw you out with nothing. You’ve had multiple chances, and a pretty low bar of what you needed to do in order to stay here. Let alone a lifetime of privilege and unconditional support to make you succeed. But I think all we’re doing now is making you fail.”

  “Dad…” I say his name, but he passes around me. “Dad, wait! NO! You can’t do this. Where will I go? What will I do? You can’t really mean that.”

  He pauses and presses his hand to the door jamb of the bedroom but doesn’t turn towards me. His shoulders sag and his posture seems so weighed down.

  He slams their door shut. I stare down at my hand. He handed me cash. Fisting the wad in my hand, I nearly fall to my knees. It’s more money than I’ve ever had in my life, right here in my hands. But not like this. I stare after the shut door. I should just go. But where? Do what? What can I do? How could they really kick me out? I expect more fighting and tears and feeling bad. But… but not this. Not this eviction. Not my father handing me a wad of money and saying Get out.

  Where is my mom? That thought practically screams in my head. Over and over. MOM! She’ll stop this. She won’t let Dad do that to me. She can’t mean for this to happen. No, no way. Mom would never sanction this.

  My mother wouldn’t see me tossed out of our family home like some crack whore who doesn’t deserve to be here. Mom knows that. She knows me. She knows I don’t do most of it on purpose. She won’t go along with this. Especially since her father would have done something like that to her. She won’t let mine do that to me.

  I grip my cell phone and call my mom. No answer. Over and over. I leave messages. I text her. Nothing. She doesn’t respond. I stare at the device in my hand. Do they intend to actually see this through? Do they really mean it? Darkness is falling quickly, the house is swallowed up in shadows and gloom. There isn’t a light on. I walk forward, my sense of shock keeping me numb. My tears stay locked inside. I stop outside my dad’s door and knock. This time, I’m calmer, quieter as I say, “Dad?”

  I say it three more times, knocking every time before he answers, “What?”

  Though no lights shine from the room, I press on the door lever, pushing it down, and it easily opens. He hasn’t locked me out. It takes a moment for my eyes to adjust. He’s lying on their bed with his work boots still on, and the jeans and hoodie. It proudly bears his company name and logo on it. He’s lying on top of the bedspread, his hands at his side, staring up at the ceiling. He doesn’t get up or even glance towards me. I’ve never seen my dad lying on the bed like this. Sometimes, I’d find my mom that way when she was upset. Never my dad. The house is so quiet. Just us. Just me and my dad. My dad who hates me. And is ashamed of me. I know he detests me. I deserve it, perhaps, but it doesn’t lessen the impact or my panic. It feels like a living entity is inside me, crawling up from my gut to scratch its way out. A huge lump lodges in my throat. Emotions? Unshed tears? My emotions are trapped there.

  “Don’t make me leave, Dad,” I whisper softly. There is just enough light for me to see the upper half of his body wince. He turns away from me, pulling his legs up to his chest. Into the fetal position.

  “Don’t. Don’t blow anymore smoke up my ass, Melissa. We’ve been battling this fight for two years. I can’t do it anymore. And I can’t face you and hold steady. I mean what I said. Let it stand. Listen to what I say. Try to learn something. Try to change. Try to find out what the hell is wrong with you. Or
don’t. By doing this, I’ll have no say anymore in your life. But don’t come crawling in here and beg me not to mean what I said. I meant all of it.”

  I reach out towards him, but he doesn’t see me. “Dad… Where should I go? What will I do?”

  “I don’t know. I also don’t know where you’ve been the better part of the last two weeks. The responsibilities of daily reality have no tethers on you. You have no bills or costs to pay. You don’t have to be anywhere. You can take off for two weeks, and come and go, throwing us a bone once in a while, taking a job here and there and loafing on and on. I can’t live in this circus anymore.”

  I’ve never been without my parents. Or had nowhere to live. Sure, I might have abused my good fortune a bit by taking it for granted. What kid doesn’t who lives with their parents? How could they kick me out like that? I have nothing and nowhere to go. I can’t believe this. I just can’t believe they’re serious. There’s snow on the ground, for God’s sake. Where can I go?

  “Dad?” I try again. Sure, he’ll cave if I persist long enough. He’ll be mad, but compared to being kicked out, I prefer his anger. Whatever he’s got, I’ll take it with a smile and ask for more. I’ll listen too. I’ll… I’ll try so much harder. Be better. I’ll… But Dad isn’t turning towards me. I step back. Then I take another step. He… he might just really mean it.

  The only place I can go is back to Anand. I don’t want to go to him. I don’t trust him. Not for anything. He likes his drugs, his guns, and his friends, and in that order. He likes to sit around doing nothing all day and riding around, causing trouble at night, including drug trafficking. I know that’s what he does now. I also know that I’m not really safe with him. That’s why I don’t let him pick me up here at the house. I keep him separate. My days of rebellion and carefree sex seem so long ago now. I can’t rely on Anand for help. He’s just a temporary distraction. Something to do for now, but no one I can rely on. My stomach pits out. Anand is all I have, however, and that fact makes my heart sink.