Rivers Rescue (River's End #9) Page 5

In all honesty, that’s what the problem was. Any woman his own age that attracted him made him instantly unsure and self-conscious in ways he wasn’t otherwise. He’d been without hearing since he was a kid. It wasn’t new for him. But when he was around someone like Brianna, it was all he could do not to bumble it up. He’d never seen someone like her. No one as breathtaking ever stood right there in flesh and blood before him. When he worked on ranches, there were only a few places he went. The chances of running into a woman like Brianna were nearly nil. Encountering her at the barn where he spent close to seven hours and thirty-five minutes a day being all alone, during his eight-hour shift, was extraordinary. Jack Rydell came in to check on him periodically or to discuss the particulars of the dozen horses they were caring for at any given time, but that was the extent of his human interaction in an average day.

  She didn’t react to him like anyone else did either. She wasn’t quiet and polite. He assumed she was most likely being herself but trying to cover it up. It was almost refreshing. Putting her foot in her mouth and being unable to realize he was deaf or how to approach him was somewhat entertaining. He almost forgot to feel stupid with her.

  Still, what should he do? Go to the beach and swim with her and her friend? For what reason? He’d been tricked before, although it was years ago when he was stupid, naive and innocent. He was still trying to fit in as a teenager and was often lured to abandoned places and left there or just made fun of. Stupid stuff that didn’t matter and wouldn’t have mattered to him now, meant much more at age fourteen and fifteen. The humiliation was real and lasting, something he shied away from at all costs.

  But there were no other young people around. She was the first he’d encountered so perhaps out of desperation, she simply asked him to go. Confused and unsure all day long, his anxiety rose as he contemplated what to do. One moment, he wanted to go, and the next, he couldn’t, and vice versa. His heart rate increased uncomfortably and he sweated more when he considered going. The heat and his hard work could not be blamed for the discomfort he instantly felt.

  He wandered out of the barn that was built on the edge of a horse pasture, encapsulating the views of the family’s row of houses, the woods and the river. It was nearly hidden from the main part of the ranch and resort, much farther from their huge, commercial arena. Finn avoided that side of the ranch. Too many crowds and people. Quite often, people showed up at his barn before they left to go to the restaurant or to view more horses. Occasionally, crowds appeared all at once for different events the Rydells scheduled there. Finn preferred his small, solitary world of the rescue barn where the quiet truly existed and not just inside his own head.

  Sweating bullets, he slipped his shirt off as he supposed he could wander down to the river… On a day like this, anyone would relish a quick dip and he was so close to it…

  Pretending he wasn’t headed to the beach, he felt unreasonably nervous and uncomfortable, even ridiculous. He wandered closer, hearing nothing, of course, that could warn him if anyone were there with him or not. He squeezed his hand into a fist and tried to keep his thoughts focused. He had to calm down. He had to think about something else besides Brianna and her friends if he was going to make himself keeping walking there.

  Desirae. Yeah. He’d think about the skittish filly named Desirae who suffered terribly at the hands of her first owners. The little horse was terrified to let anyone near her. They had already tried the gamut of Jack’s tried-and-true methods with little avail. Patience. Slowly and steadily trying to approach her… For months Jack kept working at it. She had to be sedated for any treatments or procedures. They tried very often to avoid that, but if she got too spooky, they had to intervene.

  Shit. Brianna Starr was right there. Wearing a fucking swimsuit. Thank God she wore a tank top over it that spared him some of the eye candy. He glimpsed the top of her slim thighs and the skimpy sides of her swimsuit gave him a sexy, peek-a-boo peep of her side boob and flat stomach. Damn. If that wasn’t sexier than seeing her bare naked.

  His entire body tensed. He should have turned away and gone back home. For real. This was really stupid. Dumb. He couldn’t hang out with a woman who looked like her. What the hell was he supposed to look at? And the most annoying part was: he had to stare directly at her if he intended to talk to her. She always insisted on some interaction. He couldn’t just stand there. Maybe he should have signed when he first met her. Perhaps then, she’d simply choose to avoid him on her own and he wouldn’t be in this uncomfortable situation. This new position he found himself in was terrifying and required things from him he never expected.

  She acted like she heard him. What did he do? Step on a twig? Brush against a branch? Or perhaps he was just walking too loud? Naturally, he didn’t know. But he saw her head whip around and her long strawberry blond hair trailed over her slim, tiny shoulders and back. Her face was a perfect oval with delicately arched eyebrows that matched her hair, and a long, slim nose with bowed lips. Funny that she wore a lot of makeup. But never any lipstick. Not in all three times he’d confronted her. That was something he’d notice. He always noticed.

  She rose up onto her feet from where she’d been perched on the edge of a black inner tube. Her feet remained in the water, which came up to her knees. She waited until he stepped closer before she smiled. His weak, stupid heart reacted by swelling and hurting at having her undivided attention on him. When her boobs jiggled as she moved, his gaze could only devour her. But he sensed movement and quickly lifted his eyes back to her mouth.

  A wide smile, flashing white, perfect teeth, and a kissable, earthy mouth made him fight the urge to simply cover hers with his own.

  But she was talking. “…ello. I… think… come.” Catching the tail end of hello, he assumed the words think and come meant she said, ‘Hello. I didn’t think you’d come.” But she instantly tilted her head away and rushed through more sentences. He shook his head. Oh, how he hated, no, he despised having to stop people by saying what? over and over. It happened more often than he preferred. Some people were much easier to read.

  And Brianna? Finn never tried to follow someone who talked as fast as Brianna did. Unfortunately, she might have been the toughest speaker he ever attempted to interpret.

  He shook his head and averted his gaze, nearly exhausted by following her. “I can’t…” He had to glance back. She must have been talking again for her lips were already moving. She was talking. She talked a lot. He failed to find any meaning for most of it.

  “…can’t…? Swim?” He barely caught two words of the last four or five sentences she said.

  “Brianna?”

  With an expression of surprise on her face, her eyes darted to his as her mouth finally pressed shut. He could tell there was something she wasn’t saying. “What?” he asked.

  “Nothing. Nothing.” She shook her head as she muttered it.

  Something embarrassed her. Her cheeks flamed with color. “My name…”

  “I said your name wrong?” He interrupted as her words died off.

  “Yes.” Her face scrunched up. Relief flashed in her eyes. “It’s like Bri… onna… not Bri anna.” She elongated her mouth over “on” and didn’t do it with “an.” Then, as usual, she rushed on. “I wasn’t going to correct you but I figured the longer it went on…”

  “You should not be afraid to correct me. Brianna.” He replied, hoping it sounded right.

  He relaxed as her eyes lit up. “Yes.” She seemed ready to applaud his effort. Fuck. He bristled and hated knowing she felt the desire to do that. As if she were so proud of him, like she might have been over a baby after taking his first step, or an obedient puppy who sat on command. Yup, he was no more than a sad, pathetic, easily trained pet. That’s how he came off. Now she had to add to it. “What did you need to say?”

  “I’ve only understood three words you’ve said. I can’t keep up with what you’re saying.”

  Her entire face grew even redder. “Oh, no… ‘orry. Talking too f
ast and… ‘umbling… again?”

  He nodded and shrugged. “If you said, oh, no, and sorry and something about talking too fast and mumbling, yeah, that’s it.”

  Finn never met anyone who apologized as often as this girl.

  “I did. Say that.” She took in a deep breath, ostensibly to calm herself and her speech, or so Finn gathered. “I easily get nervous in general. It makes me talk faster.”

  He eyed her. “Do I make you nervous?” He might have emphasized you, if he could have heard and controlled his tone of voice, but he didn’t dare try to do that with her. Who knew how he would sound or how it would come out?

  “Yes.”

  “Because I’m deaf?”

  “Because you’re intense and kind of hard to read. I mean, I know the deafness makes it hard but your facial expressions are about as closed off as what you say.”

  “Do you realize that I don’t hear your expressions? Sometimes, I miss things… lots of things… like slang and sarcasm and irony and being upset. All those things are determined by the inflection or the tone in your voice, which I miss altogether.”

  Her face scrunched up. “And social cues? You’re saying that it’s like missing out on social cues?”

  “Most of them. How many do you say out loud? Facial expressions and body language share some of it but most often, I’m so busy watching your mouth that I can’t totally take it all in.”

  “I never considered…”

  “Why would you? Hence, why you shouldn’t be nervous. I should be.”

  “Well, I—”

  He reached out and touched her arm. She jumped. “You did it again. You turned your head. I didn’t catch anything.”

  She flushed. “I’ll try to get better at this.” She turned her body to face him. Her nipples were right there in front of him and he swallowed hard to keep his eyes focused on her mouth. But all he could do was fight the urge to lean in closer and touch her lips with his. Who cared what they had to say to each other? Or how well it came out? He was practically on fire in her presence, and so disappointed that there was no way he could arouse the same reaction in someone like her.

  “I was just saying, my friend, Cami, can’t come today.” She slowed way down and physically exaggerated her lips.

  He shook his head. “Now you’re just more distracting. Act normal. Just speak normally, but don’t mash all the words together or turn away from me.”

  She nodded and shrugged her shoulders. Was there anything on her that was not adorable and cute? Her slim, rounded shoulders endeared her to him and she held her arms close to her chest. “Okay. Sorry.” She flushed when the word popped out again. “The water feels amazing now. Want to come in?” She frowned, glaring down at his body, but soon remembered to lift her face back up to his. “You wore jeans.”

  “Would you prefer that I didn’t?”

  She flushed again and whipped around, her head shaking no. He got the message and ended up grinning at the back of her head. She obviously wanted him to go into the water. He stared long and hard at her. Starting with her ass, he noticed the swish of her legs, and the crease defining her legs and her butt. She had smooth, slim thighs and lots of tan skin. Yards of it. Unholy thoughts flashed through his mind.

  He finally stepped closer and sat down on the log nearest him. She all but jumped in the black inner tube and pushed off from the beach. He slid his boots off, along with his sweaty socks and enjoyed the warm sand, while the cool air rejuvenated him.

  He stood up and walked to the edge of the water before stepping right into it. The denim soaked up the fresh, cool water and he was wet up to his knees. It felt so good. He must have splashed or something because she whipped her body around in the inner tube.

  He walked out further and when he wasn’t too far from her, he simply sunk down under the water to his neck and shoulders. So refreshing, rinsing off his overheated chest and all the dust that was clinging to him. She paddled closer.

  “There was always the same group down here: me and my brother, Jacob, who lives near Seattle with my dad… Oh, by the way, my parents are divorced. He’s having some trouble right now and he’s the reason why I was down on the beach the other night crying. Anyway, he used to come down here with Cami. She’s my friend who was supposed to be here tonight. She’s also AJ’s daughter. Do you know AJ?”

  Finn nodded, his brain frantically trying to follow her. She was so chatty. Hyper chatty. He found that surprising. Most people who were still new with him only spoke to him when necessary. Honestly, there was no one he held close in his life and there hadn’t been for years and years. No one ever chatted to him. He had no practice doing it. He found it more than a bit exhausting to keep up and concentrate on all of her chatter.

  “Cami dates Charlie; he’s Jack’s son, but currently in Germany getting his master’s degree. He just asked Cami to marry him and she said yes. She’ll be home for another month or so before she leaves here for good. Probably forever… I don’t know that for sure, I just think it is very possible. She wants to live in Germany. Who would think that?” She paused. “Am I talking too fast?”

  “No, just a little too much.”

  He said it so deadly serious that her face flushed again and she scrunched her eyebrows together. Then he smiled. “I was only kidding. I do have a sense of humor, sometimes, but only if I can follow the conversation.”

  “Well, I have been accused of talking too much and too fast before but only by hearing people.” She ducked down suddenly, cringing. “Crap. I didn’t mean that like you’re so different or in any way offensively. I’m sorry. I mean…”

  “Brianna,” he simply interrupted her, “I know what you meant and I’m not offended. And those hearing people are so right, you talk a lot and very fast.”

  “Too much and too fast?”

  “Well, I must admit you keep me on my toes. You test my lip reading skills more than they’ve ever been tested before.”

  She closed her eyes and a blush warmed her face. “Is it very tiring then? Reading lips?”

  “It’s definitely not like reading a book. Usually, every other word or third word is missing although there is no real pattern to it. I have to guess the words most of the time.”

  “You guess very well. When you respond so normally, I tend to forget and assume you can understand me as easily as I understand you. I feel encouraged and it makes me talk to you more and… Okay, I’ll just be quiet. We can just be silent here.”

  She turned and he sighed. Did he make any unintentional noise of relief? He hoped not. He suspected it would hurt her feelings. She was freakishly eager to please him, and converse with him. Most of all, she tried. She really wanted to interact with him. How often did new acquaintances, or strangers, ever try to converse with him? For years, no one spoke to him unless it was to tell him to do something or be somewhere, and mostly at work. It was nice of her to ask him to come down there. He just never expected anyone like her to be so kind to him and that was partly his fault. Finn didn’t let anyone get close to him. And the chances that this blond bombshell understood him and wanted to continue to hang with him were nil. Ha.

  But she seemed so earnest in wanting to talk to him.

  He touched her shoulder to get her attention. “I want to talk to you. It’s just not that easy. I have to focus on your mouth and your expressions, and that gets tiring. I can’t look away or blink. And unfortunately, no one pronounces words the same. Lip reading doesn’t even cover fifty percent of what you are actually saying to me.”

  Her eyes widened. “I always thought…” She shook her head. “I never really thought anything. But I will now. I’m sorry.”

  He shook his head at her saying another apology. “You didn’t make me deaf. And it’s not your job to know sign language. I imagine you never had any reason to.”

  “No, I didn’t. And honestly? You don’t act or sound too different from anyone else I’ve ever communicated with. It’s so easy to get careless and probably seem inse
nsitive because you are so damn easy to talk to.” She all but smacked her own forehead. “I’m such a brat. It’s hard for you to talk to me, and I’m not taking that into account again.”

  “Honestly? You’re kind of refreshing because you don’t do it right. You don’t mean to do it wrong. You’re just kind of… natural. You act yourself. Most people aren’t natural around me. They are either super formal and visibly awkward or they have no interest in even trying. So really, please don’t be sorry.”

  She smiled; no, she beamed actually. He took the lag in conversation to ask, “You mentioned you tend to forget I’m deaf. What do I sound like to you?”

  Her head popped up and her eyes grew wider. Her expression went from surprise to sympathy to something else. “You sound just like me.”

  “No, I don’t.”

  “No. You don’t say very much. You’re the strong, silent type,” she said with a small, sweet smile. God help him, he totally responded to it. She was definitely trying to make him feel better. More normal. She spoke much slower and her lips moved naturally but more distinctly.

  “Can you tell me the truth?”

  Her eyebrows rose. “Shouldn’t you ask your friends or your parents? Or someone you know and trust?”

  “I should, but there is no one.”

  Her eyes grew dim. “Oh.” Then her head shook. “No one? Really?”

  “No.”

  “Are you all alone in the world?”

  “Yes.”

  “Oh.” She let that circulate around in her brain and her face scrunched up. “You haven’t had it easy, huh?”

  “No.” He conceded to her sympathy. “So? What do I sound like to you?”

  “You really want me to answer that?”

  “Yes.” He nodded. “Please?” Why couldn’t she admit that he sounded weird and odd and there would never be any chance of her seeing him as someone her own age or even datable. Certainly not fuckable.

  “You say almost every word with a startling clarity. Your formality reminds me of when my iPad reads me stuff out loud.” She flushed. “You can’t hear my iPad, right? So that doesn’t help you.”